We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
