Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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