im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
