I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
