Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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