dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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