I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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