I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
