her vagine was all disorganized.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
