Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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