i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
