I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
