theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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