so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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