Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
