i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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