Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
