so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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