dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
