you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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