Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
