Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
