I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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