I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
