I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
