I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
