sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
