And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
