You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
