I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do vagina's smell?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
