you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
