spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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