I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
