Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need to calm my uterus...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
