ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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