when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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