Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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