do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
