That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
