You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
