Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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