i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
