Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
