i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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