Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Buhtt sex?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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