im gay
i know
yea but for you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
