Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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