I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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