hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
