he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
